This year has been a roller coaster for sure, and the twists and turns keep coming. It's been wild, but thrilling! I just got some exciting news....I'm pregnant!! JUST KIDDING!!!!
Seriously, between the two of us, we are now a happily blended family of six kids, four dogs, and a cat....there will be no more additions to our clan, two or four legged. Bikes however, is another story.
No, my news is that my doctors have decided to stop my decompression treatments. The last two times I've wound up with more pain from the table than I did going in, and that means my body is resisting it. So for now, we are going to see if that means I've healed enough to graduate.
A lot of mixed feelings. On one hand, since I have been in less pain and basically can do my regular life without too many modifications, I'm ecstatic. On the other hand, it's kinda of like letting go of the side of the pool in the deep end for the first time - am I really ready for this? Will I get injured again without it? It's kind of become my safety line.
It's been nine months since that day at the pool when I became afraid to get in knowing how much pain I would be in. This whole time has been a process for me, because for the first time in my life, I couldn't will myself through something. I had to stop, and listen, and wait. Very un-Lori like.
We are about to start training for the CHOO 70.3 in May. Most likely going to meet my new coach next week. It's going to be easier to be coached by the same person, but Michael and I are starting from very different places, so it will be a while before we actually get to train together. Motivation for me, I love to chase the rabbits :)
So what have I learned form all this? If I'm going to work my body like a machine, I need to treat it like one, which means clean fuel and regular maintenance. No more thinking the pain will go away on its own. I remember coming off the bike in IMTX and knowing something was really wrong with my back, but waited until I couldn't bring myself to train anymore to actually get it checked out. Yes, it was a moronic thing to do.
I've learned that it is not a sign of weakness to accept help from others. I was raised to be very independent, but there have to be limits. Asking for help has been a hard lesson too, but slowly but surely, I'm doing better at that too. Michael just flat out refused to allow me to lift, carry or move in ways that could be bad for my recovery. I remember when he said to me he would rather see me take care now than be in a wheelchair when we had grandchildren. He's been so great, loving me through my cranky and frustrated days, and helping me see what improvements I've made.
Your heart, mind and body work as a cohesive unit, and if one is off, the other two can only compensate so long. I thought that my focus was my greatest strength, and it is a strength. My mistake was thinking it overrode the other two. My injury showed me that in this case, it was my weakness, and I'm hoping through all of this I will become a better balanced athlete.
Next year will be another big year, a half and full Ironman in the works. I'm taking training one day at a time, and finding that balance between pushing the limits to make gains, but not crossing too far over the line to cause injury.
Someday, I will look back on all of this as a foggy memory. I hope not to forget the lessons I learned.Someday, I want to qualify for Kona, I might be 80 at the time, but hey, I'll take it!
