Those Who Believe

     This was not the blog I planned on writing this week.  But as with most well laid plans, it went awry.  Sometimes, events that seem arbitrary link together to make a bigger picture.  Eight months ago, I chose a new path. In doing so, I opened myself up to new ideas and people who I otherwise would not have.  Recently, those seemingly random events came together, and wherever this new path is taking me, I have learned some very valuable lessons.

     It was an interesting week. I hadn't realized what was unusual about last week until yesterday.  Sunday afternoon I was able to read a great article by Craig Lloyd, "Honoring those Who Believe in Us".  Here's the link.

http://trailandultrarunning.com/honoring-those-who-believe-in-us/

      So often we focus on the ones that try to hold us back, that we forget to give thanks to those who always believed in us. I'm not going to lie, when I started my training, a lot of it had to do with just that - proving the naysayers wrong, and trying to heal some very old hurts. Reading this article confirmed a shift in thinking that began with some isolated incidents throughout the week, and I want to take a moment for a big thank you to those people who took part in getting me to this new mindset.

     I was able to have a conversation about the most special person of my childhood - my grandmother.  I don't really talk about her often, and I have no idea why I talked about her at that moment, but I'm glad I did. Bobche (grandmother in Ukrainian), was my sunshine.  She lived next door (which in country terms is about a quarter mile) and I saw her most days.  A tough lady, she grew a half acre garden with just about every vegetable you could think of until she was well into her eighties, and could whack the heck out of the dandelions in her yard with her walking stick. She and I had a special bond, and I always knew she loved me unconditionally.  We would sit in her front yard and we rarely needed to say a word, which was good since she really didn't speak much English and I knew less Ukrainian. When she did say something, she was always encouraging me to push on, to set my goals higher. She passed away when I was 18, she was 91.

I got an email from an old friend/coach from back in my college triathlon days.  I had written him about starting training again, and talked about how I was trying to silence the negative voices in my head. He told me the negative people didn't matter, and out of the people that did matter, I was the only one who had ever thought that my goals were not attainable, choosing to believe the negative than chance the positive.  Huh.

This week more than others, I feel like I have gotten closer to the new connections I am making within my different training groups. I didn't really think my swimming skill was all that unusual or valuable, but to those who are trying to train for their first triathlon and don't know how to swim, I'm like, you know, cool. I am getting the chance to give back, and whether these people know it or not, they are giving me so much more in return. Seeing someone conquer their fears and swim for the first time, and how happy that makes them is a great feeling.

Sunday morning, I was running late for my open water swim after an unfortunate goggle mishap (how a redhead has so many blonde moments is beyond me).  I text for them not to start without me, and Esmeralda sent back, "Are you kidding?  I'm not getting in the water without you!" Moments like that make you stop and think.

If I had to make a list, with the people who doubt me on one side, and those that believe in me on the other, it wouldn't even be close.  I'm very lucky to have so many people believing in me.  When you have people who are willing to support you, to cheer you on, what are you telling them when you place a higher value on the opinion of the few who doubt?

If I started this journey wanting to tell those who say I can't that I can, it is now quickly becoming more about saying thank you to those who know I can, rising to the potential they see in me, and seeing that potential for myself. Then, in turn, cheering on those who don't yet believe they can. A life changing confidence has developed, and I like it. It also means I have had to say goodbye to some people who cannot cope with the change, or were the negative ones holding me down.  I wish them the best, hope they find happiness and peace, but they are no longer part of my journey. You have to be prepared to walk away from those who do not value or respect you, if for no other reason than the love and respect you have for yourself.

Very soon, I'm going to have to face a major milestone - facing the same distance triathlon that ended my racing career 20 years ago.  A few weeks ago, I would have been (and was) scared.  As my focus shifts to those who have and do believe in me, the fear dissipates, and something new emerges - excitement. Because I now understand that for this group of people, if I have a bad race, it does not define me. They will not think less of me, or give up. They will cheer me on, knowing that I will pick myself up and keep moving forward.

Thank you.  I will honor you the only way that is fitting - I will achieve.

And the naysayers?  Well, I still plan on taking my (hopefully photo-bombed) picture at the end of Ironman Houston next year with my medal and sending out a copy. :)