Recently I was asked what at first seemed like a irrelevant question. While out at dinner, my date asked me if I did triathlons and wanted to finish Ironman because I thought it would "fix" me. Kind of deep for a date. I didn't take it offensively, since he was not a runner or athlete of any kind. Had he been, he probably never would have needed the answer to that question. I asked him to give me a moment to think about it before I answered.
We all have our stories as to why we start this journey, and usually those stories have a lot of pain and loss involved. Many times I have asked my fellow triathletes why they got into the sport. Cancer, death, divorce, being bullied, dysfunctional home life as a child, wanting to lose weight, take your pick. It turns out if you ask the question and just listen, people are happy to share. Those stories tend to build on themselves. When others with similar experiences hear how you have overcome obstacles, they get inspired to do the same. It's the best part of endurance sports.
I sat for some time before I answered. There are people in my life who know parts of my story, those that know more, and a select few people who know it all (and seem to still like me anyway). I felt like in that moment I was the representative for all of us, and wanted to make sure I gave the best answer possible. I give the guy credit, he understood this was a big question and gave me the time I wanted to think about it.
We joke about training being cheaper than therapy. There is just something about putting your emotional pain into a physical workout, and tiring out your body so your brain will, for at least a little bit, stop working in overdrive. Endorphins give us a natural boost, and we build confidence as we see our body respond. As our limits become redefined, and we see that we can accomplish more than we thought we could, our viewpoint changes. Life no longer throws us back and forth - we stand strong against what would try to take us down. When things get hard, we turn to training. It is constant, always there for us, and generally doesn't talk back.
It is also a natural tendency to surround ourselves with those who are pursuing the same or similar goals. Those ahead of us inspire us, and those behind us are inspired by us. These people understand why we push ourselves, what sparks our drive, and are willing to help push us on the days when motivation is hard to find. The strongest metals are forged by fire, and each setback or disappointment we face in life refine us as long as we don't give up on the process.
These people see on a daily basis how far you have come, and celebrate the accomplishments with you. They are there on the bad days, when the workouts don't come together, or the even worse days, when life hits you so hard you don't want to workout, and are tempted to give up on your goals. (I had one day like that, and had some great people talk me down from the ledge.) The best training family members come out and get you, kick your sorry butt out the door, and make you workout until you find your footing again.
Realizing there was no way I could convey all of that, I came up with the simplest, most honest answer I could.
I started training because I needed an anchor, something I could hold onto as the storm passed. But I will finish Ironman not because I was "fixed" by it, but because I have come to realize I always was "fixed". Training just helps you sort through all the garbage that covers up who you always were. As you get stronger, those qualities that got pushed deep inside come out, and you see the value in yourself you may not have seen before. You no longer settle to be treated badly by others or even yourself, and face adversity with confidence, knowing what you have already accomplished.
He took that in, and then we started talking about something else. But the conversation has sat with me since then.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been having these periods of time when I am incredibly happy. There is no specific reason for it, no event that triggered it. It has not (yet) happened right after an accomplishment, good training, or when something really good has happened in my daily life. It just sneaks up on me, and I get a big smile on my face. At first, I have to admit it freaked me out. Now, I am willing to accept it, and bask in it. It is the truest form of happiness: not tied to anyone or anything, but because in that moment, I am content with who I am, where I am, and know I will attain my goals. Everything is at peace, and I see who I really am outside of the things I have gone through. One of my goals now is to have that feeling all the time, regardless of who is around me or what I'm going through. I feel blessed to have these moments, and am grateful for them, and for every workout that got me here.
Have a great day everyone and happy endorphins!
Bravo!!
ReplyDelete