Definition of a Dork

Part of my Ironman experience has been taking a good look at who I was and who I am becoming.  From where I started this journey, I have come a loooooong way, those of you who met me in January for the first time can attest to that, right Esmeralda?

When I am in my element, say, the pool for instance, I have no problems. Can talk to anyone, feel confident, swim like a fish. Slowly but surely, the other sports have become like that too. Watch me in my classroom and I am completely at home. However....get me out of my element, and for a time I will turn into the definition of a dork.

It doesn't happen right away, which is probably why it can catch people off guard. It generally tends to happen a couple of weeks after meeting someone.  It happens with guys and girls alike, but when it's a cute guy, well then, I might as well be Raj from the Big Bang Theory.  I get nervous, I stumble over words, and I have a tendency to stick both feet in my mouth and swallow on a regular basis. I see myself in third person, figuratively smack myself on the forehead and say, "DORK!"

Fortunately, it tends not to last. A couple of weeks like that, and I'm back to myself again, and with the person it happened with, it doesn't happen again. Why does it happen? Well, that's a really long story that doesn't need to be told. Everyone has things in their past that cause them to behave certain ways - most of the time, we don't even realize we are doing it. I realize it, and I'm working on it.

I have been fortunate to have people who have been willing to be patient with me during my dork phase. These are the people I truly treasure - because they were willing to see past the awkward me and give me the space and support I needed to find my feet again so they could get to the real me.

I spent a large part of my life feeling the need to always be perfect.  I've come to realize that I'm not - that sometimes I am a dork, and that's okay. Do I hope that the journey to Ironman helps me get over it? Absolutely! But until then, I will continue to appreciate those who either don't mind or don't see my little phase. It's not who I really am, just a leftover from who I was. It's kind of like your appendix - there was a use for it once upon a time, but now it's just annoying when it gets inflamed.

54 days to the Half, but who's counting???